Steady as she knows

I'm not a bitch.
And if you don't want to experience me being a bitch:
Don't piss me off.
Don't have some strange agenda (intuitional bitch steps in).
Unnecessary obnoxious jokes aren't really funny.
Neither is your face, probably.
I am fucking fluent in sarcasm, bring that and your ass is kicked.
Unless of course it's true, in the opposite way obviously.

Pick on my darlings and I'll pick on you ( Hell, I'll make a pickle out of you)
Bring it up, let's deal with it.
Don't expect blunt truth to NOT be part of the deal.
Don't bitch at me for nothing, I see right through that.
Excuses, excuses, excuses. 

If it's "let's be argue buddies" and not "let's be friends (whatever)"
That's cool.
I may or may not hold your hair back when you throw up and 
I may or may . . . not hold that puke when you're in front of me, if that ever ever happens that
my social strings become untied.
Shock factor never killed anyone that I know at least.

Don't bump into me and not say,"excuse me" unless I can rate your outfit 
7 out of 10 minimum. 
Even if it's 9 and you do it twice, that'll be annoying :) .
And also, just don't be it and you won't see it.

Not in my case.
I just get it, see it, deal with it without any of the abovementioned criteria.
I have to have to have it rubbed in my face when I'm right and someone else is wrong.
Uhm apparently that's a bad thing.
I'm not always right.
Level-headed is good place to start.

Basically, I'm not a bitch.
I'm just honest, in the way that people usually don't want people to be honest.
And that's tough, I can take that way, hard, but I can take it.
If you give it and can't take it, you're an unnecessary bitch, because you're going to bitch about taking it.
And if you're going to bitch about taking it?
I'm going to be . . .

A monumental bitch.

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